A significant skill most addicts learn early in recovery is how to avoid lying. Lying, with its many promises of undetected delights, is one of the most lucrative skills in an addict’s arsenal. It seems that every new addiction starts with a lie, and it’s often necessary to tell this first lie before you can get started on your path to addiction.
There are a few ways that addicts tend not to lie as much after rehabilitation, and they are not just the old standby of “It didn’t happen” or “I lost my wallet.” Addicts also begin to be more careful about who they tell their lies to, and they are more conscious of the fact that lying grows out of a need to hide something. Lying is similar to applying layer upon layer of varnish to cover up something that is already rotting and festering. In this post, we will look at ways people in recovery can learn to stop lying.
Ways to Stop Lying in Recovery
Start over. Start with another lie, a different lie. Begin again with a new beginning. Lying is its own addiction, in the same way, that fat is to obesity: lying leads to more hiding and more lying. Below are some of the ways that addicts can learn to stop lying and start telling the truth:
Know the Consequences
There’s a big difference between getting caught in a lie and getting away with it. There are no guarantees that you will ever get away with it, but there is one guarantee if you do: you will always get caught. Learn the difference between these outcomes and start speaking the truth because of your desire to have clean consciences, not because of your fear of incarceration or other legal consequences.
Strive for the Truth
It is important to remember that recovery is not a place where you can lie. It’s just a place where you have to keep trying to speak the truth. So, if it’s not obvious, this means that if you don’t know the truth, then don’t try to make something up. This doesn’t mean that everything has an absolute or simple answer; it does mean that there are things you should know and things you should avoid lying about.
Ask and Be Answered
You are not required to tell someone “everything” or “all of the truth” when you ask. All that is required is to ask the right questions. “What do you want me to know?”, “Is this something I need be concerned about?” are both statements that can help build trust with the person you’re asking, who can then tell you what they know of your concern and why.
Set Boundaries
One of the most important ways to stop lying in recovery is by setting boundaries. Many addicts in recovery date people to avoid living alone and having to become too responsible for themselves. This is not good for the recovering addict, and it is also dishonest. The more you lie to the people in your life, the more you’ll have to lie about. Instead, set some boundaries, let people know what you need from them and what you don’t need from them. You will develop a better understanding of who you are as an individual, as well as create a foundation for healthy relationships.
Shut Up
There are many ways for you to avoid lying in recovery. One of the best is to shut up. The more you talk, the less certain you will be about what is true and what is not. Letting people know that they can take care of themselves and just leaving it at that can go a long way towards making your relationships better, as well as making them less complicated by your involvement with them.
Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is one of the most important things in any kind of recovery. It can be one of the most difficult things in life, however. Forgiveness will not come easily in the beginning of your recovery. In fact, it can come with a lot of resistance, but you have to learn how to forgive yourself for your previous lies and deceptions. You cannot really change who you are or what you’ve done, but forgiving yourself will allow you to learn how to stop lying in recovery and regain order in your own life.
Stop Complaining and Start Teaching
If you can’t acknowledge the truth about something, you’ll spend all your time complaining about it or denying it exists. Either way, you’re not really going to see what you’re doing. Stop blaming and start teaching yourself about the real problems. You’ll be able to stop lying in recovery when you see the problem for what it really is instead of using your own excuse for it. Overall, there are a number of ways that you can learn to stop lying in recovery and regain order. For most of these tips, it is not necessary to stop lying on your own. Rather, what you are doing is learning how to get around the lies and making your relationships healthier in the process. If you want help on how to stop lying in recovery, you can reach out to us at 732-392-7311.